The Way Things Are Now

I have been reading through my blog pages recently, and it occurred to me that anybody reading it might wonder, but are you happy with your life now? Do you have any regrets?

Life as a woman, life as a woman who is a victim of sexual abuse can be described in the following way: it is a life without servitude. When one has worked out that they are a victim of sexual abuse, they are on the beginning of a powerful journey; they are slaying the giant. This takes time. The giant doesn't fall down in one fell swoop. The giant takes work, it takes a lot of effort to tear it down. 

There must never be anybody to judge the way one lives. We must live within the confines that we have been placed in. This is not to accept a fate that is unworthy of our true selves. This is how to live. The purpose we must serve comes after. It is only by learning how to live that the purpose we must wholeheartedly accept comes to us, and we can only gain access to this greater power when we do this.

Our purpose in life cannot always be seen from the view that is in front of us. In my case, my purpose in life came late. It only came very recently. And now, I follow it all with my full heart. I love my family, my husband and my children, but I do have a greater purpose in life. I may not have taken that well worn path of chasing a career and attempting to raise a family at the same time. I am one of those women, who having been beaten down so much through abuse, could only take the path that lay right in front of them. I am not the only woman to feel like this, albeit perhaps in a different way to many. When you learn that it is futile to take control of your own life, never losing that pressure bearing down on you, you keep trying to get up, trying to become yourself, and yet the pressure of the giant is always there. The only path you can take is the one that sits in front of you. But when you learn to do this, when you learn to do this with all your heart, the path opens up. Your life up until now has meant something after all. Not only that, every detail has a meaningful place. 

Now I am painting that picture. I have spent my life up until now taking in all the details. And now I am painting the picture.

I will keep painting until the day I die.