How to Live

We decided to treat ourselves to breakfast out today. We have a small vegetarian cafe nearby called Malacarne. The women that work there are always so friendly and welcoming and the food is delicious. I had pancakes with cream (the lightest and fluffiest), passionfruit, pineapple and a fruity brittle. UU had some pancakes with berries and a little maple syrup. J had avocado, feta and poached eggs on toast with chilli oil. UU loved it and was well aware of what a treat it was. Trips to cafes as a family with a toddler can be incredibly stressful - the complete opposite of what was intended by the experience. However, today went smoothly enough; myself and partner worked as a good enough team. This parenting thing is a continuing work in progress.

We don't eat out often at all really these days. We are lucky that we can live off one main income and I can look after the little one during the week, but we have to be thrifty to make it work (although i secretly enjoy being thrifty: I hate any waste and feel pained if something goes off and we have to throw it away. I will base a whole meal around something that needs using up). Anyone with young children will know the extortionate nursery fees mean that often you are just working to pay the nursery. I wouldn't be being honest though if I said that was the reason I left full time work. I wouldn't have it any other way and love seeing UU grow. Being a teacher for a few years before she came along, I had a love of learning and seeing people learn. I think this is the most important part of the job; if you have that, everything else falls into place. U is learning every day, and nurturing that growth is my main job now.

I would never have predicted that this would be my life now - a stay at home mum, technically speaking,  I suppose. I do a little work from home, but it feels funny to call those few hours "work" when there is a much bigger task at hand (to say the least).

I remember something one of my old colleagues said to me when I told her that I had decided to leave my full time job. She also stayed at home to bring up her children many years ago and has actually just retired from teaching. She said quite simply, "there are so many different ways to live". It really stuck with me. There are, and I see that now. But there is a pressure there, often a pressure I can't exactly pinpoint. It comes from all angles really, in subtle and consistent ways. A pressure to be "striving" for something. Now of course it is important to have dreams, to follow passions, if you have that luxury. But so far in life I have found I am not the sort of person to have a distant ambition and then do absolutely everything to get there. But it can often feel that this is the way everyone should think and feel about life. This pressure is what makes capitalism successful, as everyone strives to outdo each other. Certain careers are deemed more "successful" than others based on how much money one gets from them. So many people must feel inadequate if their life does not fit this model. Caring for people is not respected in our society; caring professions are under paid, people who have to care for family members are given little support.

I have found that many people have a negative opinion if you decide to stay at home to bring up your child, almost like you have let someone (who exactly?!) down for not "striving" for more. Money is often what is valued and respected in our society, and if you decide to step outside of that, many people, I find, don't like it, and don't always make the effort to hide this.

How funny that once upon a time women would be criticised for going back to work, but now it is the opposite? Perhaps the pattern is patriarchy is still at play and women continue to feel external pressure when trying to take control of their own lives.